Underneath the underneath
by Rinnegan no Ozil
Summary: Naruto always makes the best choice, whether it is bending the universe to his will or breaking a few stereotypes. Crack!fic. Rated T for language.


**Underneath the underneath:**

 **Summary:** Naruto always makes the best choice, whether it is bending the universe to his will or breaking a few stereotypes.

 **Disclaimer:** "I own Naruto and all its characters," said Masashi Kishimoto.

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 **(Konoha)**

Sitting on the front desk of the Great Konoha Hotel, Renji was utterly bored. Once a Ninja aspirant, the loss of his two team mates on a simple C-Ranked mission had broken his will. Burdened by the deaths of his team mates, he decided to quit the Shinobi life, finding himself working as a hotel receptionist instead.

Renji quite liked his job, though. He got to meet foreign dignitaries and legendary Shinobi from all around the elemental nations. So it was not really surprising for him when he saw the latest couple entering the front door: Uchiha Sasuke and Uchiha Sakura. The raven-haired man stopped before him and Renji gave him the customary smile. "Welcome to the Great Konoha Hotel, Uchiha-sama. How may I help you?" It was the rosette who replied. "We would like to take one of your suites for the night, please," she said with a gentle smile.

"Of course, my lady," Renji replied, retrieving a key from the wall behind him. Handing the keys to the suite number 302 to the couple, Renji sat back down on his comfy chair. _'Dang, the Uchiha surely is going to get some tonight. I wonder if they will be cosplaying,'_ the redhead thought, imagining Sakura in a form fitting nurse costume. _'I'd tap that, too.'_

Before he could continue thinking upon his fantasies, another couple entered the Hotel. ' _Ah, the Inuzuka loser!'_

"Good evening, Inuzuka-sama. How may I help you?" Renji asked him. Clinging to his arm was a curvaceous blonde, wearing a dress that revealed much of her thighs and left little to imagination. Giving his partner a lecherous grin, the Inuzuka replied, "We'll hire one of your suites. Think you can help me with that?" Renji quickly nodded and retrieved the keys to the room number 305. Handing over the keys, Renji added, "This is one of our best suites, Inuzuka-sama. Please enjoy your stay."

"Oh, I intend to," he replied before walking off in the direction of his room. Renji stole a quick glance at the buxom blonde's rear and thought, _'Fucking bastard is one lucky son of a bitch!'_

Well that was two clan heads visiting the hotel in one night. _'Surely it couldn't get any better than this, right?'_ He was wrong…

Just then a brunette and a blonde entered the hotel and Renji's eyes widened. _'Fucking hell! The Hokage himself is here.'_ Clearing his throat quickly, Renji smiled at the couple. "Good evening, Hokage-sama and welcome to our humble abode. How may I help you?" The blonde just rubbed the back of his head while giving him the brightest smile. "Err, can we borrow one of your suites for the night." Renji turned around with Ninja-like reflexes and picked the keys to room number 300. Handing over the keys to the blonde, he said, "Only the best for you Hokage-sama. Please enjoy your stay." The Hokage smiled and left with his partner.

Renji frowned at the blonde's back. _'Poor guy. The best he could do was an academy instructor. Oh well, shit happens.'_

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The next morning, the Uchiha couple was the first to leave their room. Renji looked at the Uchiha clan head and saw that he was immaculately dressed as ever, showing no signs of a rough night. The rosette clinging to his arm did not look the least bit tired. Asking the rosette to go on, the Uchiha stopped before his desk and said, "A word of advice, kid. Never marry a nurse. I married her for the nurse fantasies and ended up with the most disappointing night of my life. Half the time she kept shouting, 'It's not sanitary! It's not sanitary!'" His bit said, the Uchiha left.

Renji did not know what to make of this revelation. This was the most he had ever heard the Uchiha speak, ever. Before he could give the matter more thought, the Inuzuka appeared. Like the Uchiha, he too lacked any signs of physical exertion. The busty blonde clinging to him was in a similar state. Making his partner go ahead, the Inuzuka stopped before him and said, "Man, never marry a prostitute. Before marriage, she even took it up the ass. Now, she won't even blow me off! Sheesh!" The Inuzuka left before his partner could suspect anything.

Renji was surprised to hear the tales of their disappointing nights. _'I wonder how the Hokage fared. Well, considering he married a prude academy instructor, I'd say his night would be the most disappointing._ ' For several hours, customers entered and left, yet there was no sign of the Hokage. Late in the afternoon, however, the Hokage appeared, in a disheveled appearance. His spiky blonde hair was unkempt, and he looked as if he had hastily got himself dressed up. His partner did not fare any better.

"I trust you enjoyed your stay, Hokage-sama," Renji cautiously asked. The Hokage told his wife go on as he stopped to talk to the receptionist. "Always marry a teacher, man! They end up being the best." Renji was baffled! The Hokage was saying that marrying a teacher was better than marrying a nurse or a porn star! He had to know the details.

"If I may ask Hokage-sama, but how is marrying a teacher the best choice?" The Hokage gave him a satisfied smile before beckoning him forward. "You know what she said last night?" Renji shook his said, prompting the Hokage to explain further. "We are going to keep doing it over and over again, until we get it right," the Hokage said with a satisfied smirk.

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 **A/N:** Please rate and review!

P.S. Give my other stories a read, too. You might like them.


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